Batman/Superman To Return!
BATMAN/SUPERMAN POSTS ITS HIGHEST RATING IN KIDS 2-11 FOR REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING
Batman/Superman is pulling in some great numbers now that WB has decided to keep it on their schedule for next year with all-new episodes. WB has decided to drop Batman Beyond, The Zeta Project, and Static Shock to focus on bringing in a new era of Batman/Superman with all-new creators!
"Bruce Timm and Paul Dini have been fired so we bring in some new blood! We want to bring a whole new angle to Batman and Superman!" says new Batman/Superman exec Jon Peters. "We'll be completely changing these characters and making them accessible to everyone. We want to make these heroes "everyday" heroes, know what I mean?"
Peters, a self proclaimed long-time fans of about 10 minutes, proclaims he'll be making a lot of alterations to the backgrounds of the heroes and bringing in new voices and characters.
Peters says of Superman: "Well, we're gonna ditch that whole alien thing. I thought that made Superman completely dull and unapproachable. Is made him seem more super than any other man, and I don't want that. His new origin will be very simple. When he was biking riding at the age of five he fell down a well and landed on a genie lamp. His wish was for powers! I'm sure anyone can relate to falling off their bike! He'll also be a garbage man now, as well, because we couldn't think of any other job to give him."
Peters also reveals that even his classic suit will be changed. "It will be beige with a hint of orange. Those colors symbolize...ah...something that's near to him, like his super-ally Andros: The Multi-Cultural-Everyone-Can-Relate-To-Lad. We're bringing him in so we can relate to every single demographic. Expect him to be a different race every week! Crazy!"
The WB Execs are also speechless and are looking forward to what Peters is going to be doing to a staple in their line up. One exec said: "Dear God...I don't know what to say." He then ran to the bathroom crying. It was alleged he was holding an onion, but one wasn't seen.
Also, due to the success of 1997's movie Batman and Robin Joel Schumacher was brought in as a consultant, producer, and director of the new animated Batman shows. Schumacher thinks that he and Peters will turn the animated world on it's ear (or as Schumacher said: Nice round beautiful bottom) with these new visions on these already classic series.
Schumacher told us all about his plans for Batman and Robin. He too will be retooling Batman origin and his background. Batman's retooled origin will be changed just a little bit. Schumacher explains:
"Batman's parents will still be alive and will live in a trailer outside the mansion. Tantalizing!"
"Batman's parents weren't killed that faithful night, instead it will be his gay uncle Julian. This enrages Batman. For the next 15 years he will train...blah...blah...blah. He'll get oh-so-muscular. He'll be so buff and will look so fab in rubber. Then he'll begin crime-fighting."
"He'll go undercover as a woman a lot and do tricks so he can find out the dark. We've had a lot of close calls so far with the censors. One person claimed that the show is very confusing to a little boy. Batman dressing up as a girl will be a radical new direction. It will bring us a new angle of how Batman fights crime. We'll also see his house, and certain rooms, a lot more. We'll have a lot of dramatic scenes in his bedrooms, bathrooms, and closets."
"I'll also keep his bachelorhood in effect. I can't tamper with that. We'll also see him shower a lot just because I want it. We plan to do an...intense...fight scene in a shower for the season finale between him and his ward Robin. The fight will begin when Robin asks Batman if he used his hair conditioner and Batman says no. The sparks fly from there!"
"As for Robin, we're changing him too. His parent's will be two males. Robin was turned to crime fighting when his circus performer/exotic dancer parents are killed in a freak liposuction accident. I think everyone can relate to this one way or another if you changed the circumstances. We need to make these heroes very easy going. We can't leave any minorities out. Robin will no longer be a white young male. I may make him female, but females don't look as good in his suit. That bare leg and underwear look was made by Dick...er...Robin. We'll change his race to whatever is most popular -- depending on our demographics. I may take a tip from the brilliant Jon Peters and make him change his race weekly. Also, he'll have a third secret identity as Dick Grayson -- Jail Bait!."
"Batman will crack jokes and talk a lot. Him and Robin will have heated bitch-slap fights to show that they are different. They'll wrestle a lot. They'll get waxed up and wrestle. A lot. In their boxers...wrestling. Alfred may get on the action too. He'll wear half a uniform to show his...ah...racial difference. He'll be white, younger, and have a waxed shiny glossy chest."
"As for villains, they'll all be female and be fully clothed constantly. We have to watch out for the censors, ya know!"
And as a final note of reassurance from Schumacher: "He'll wear the nipple suit. Fan response to those was pretty intense and I think I'll be making a few changes. I remember Prince wore these bottomless pants a few years back. That will be incorporated in the suit. He'll also forget to wear his suit sometimes, which will lead to some interesting fight scenes between he and other male villains. Not the female villains, though, if we have any."
One WB exec comment: "Good God, what have I unleashed...what have I done?" He then mysteriously started to convulse and vomit. It was claimed it was because he ate a bad piece of pork.
The shows will be relaunched this fall on Saturday mornings! All previous episodes ever aired will be burned so fans will be fully immersed in the new Batman/Superman show. They claim they don't want to be compared to the old show because "we don't want to make Dini and Timm feel bad."
CONTACTS: Janice Aguilar-Herrero
Kidsand#8217; WB! Publicity
Kidsand#8217; WB! Publicity