NEW EPISODES OF BATMAN/SUPERMAN!
Enter Date Here, 2001
BATMAN/SUPERMAN SHOULD POST ITS HIGHEST RATING IN KIDS 2-11 FOR REGULAR SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING WHEN IT RETURNS
There should be a lot to 'bat' about when the fall of 2001 comes around. With an exciting new Batman movie being made, as well as a new animated series, things could finally be on the up-and-up for our Caped Crusader and a certain Man of Steel. That's right, WB plans a full push behind Batman 5 and a new animated series, even with the problems in Hollywood looming, as well almost all animation studios forced to churn out nothing but Pokemon or their economy will go broke. But this won't be your dad's Batman. In fact, you won't even recognize this Batman one bit, in anyway whatsoever. This is the bold approach that WB is calling "kooky!"
WB has anticipated the Hollywood actor's strike, and has answered it: SOCK PUPPETS! That's right, every single character will be portrayed by a sock puppet with a letter on it to signify which character is whom. WB also plans to spend $150 million on this movie, which WB assures is a blockbuster. WB is so sure that they will put the entire creative crew behind Battlefield: Earth on it...well all of those who didn't commit suicide or changed their name. You can expect to see great 2nd rate special effects costing double of what they should! See sock puppets at their best! Batman 5 already has pre-release buzz:
"Sock Puppets!? What the fuck...?"* -- Happy Fan
*"Gee! This movie will be swell!"
"It's gonna...*OUCH!*...kick some major...*AHHH!* butt." -- Bat-fan getting enthusiastic taps on the shoulder by WB execs, then given a wad of cash.
"It's starting all over again...no...please...make it stop! Let me forget about it...PLEASE!! I can't sleep at night..." -- Battlefield: Earth Production Crew
"Yeah, I'll see it...WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER!!" -- Enthusiastic Fan
With all that great buzz, WB will also be doing a new animated series based on Batman, but has nothing at all to do with the movie. WB pulled expert producers and animators, out of their huts and cardboard boxes, off the street and into the animation room. Since the new fall season begins in a very short time, WB was forced to take certain cuts, as explained by this animator:
"They feed Turk food. (chews on chain attached to table) Make Turk happy...wait...Turk lie...Turk not happy. Please SOMEONE!! Shoot Turk! Turk want to DIE!!"
Immediately after that Turk was taken out of the animation room and then was sent home...through a meat grinder. Turk will reportedly be back to work tomorrow feeling better than he ever has before. Now, onto the cartoon premise...
Cartoon Producer (who wishes to remain anonymous in fear of death and spiders) gives us the run-down:
"Bruce Wayne has lost his entire fortune to booze, gambling, drugs, and a reported affair with both Dick Grayson and famous Hollywood prostitute Miss Divine Brown. Bruce will live on the street and try to regain his fortune. We won't actually see Batman for awhile, or maybe ever. It's gonna take sometime for him to regain his fortune, so we're gonna have him sit around for the first 13 episodes picking up cans and selling them for nickels and hits of speed.
"Dick Grayson will become a Vegas showgirl and Alfred will just not be there anymore. Or we might give him kooky and wacky powers. Hilarious! Also, this cartoon will be bright. We're not gonna refer to the homeless as 'homeless', but as 'Living Quarters-Impaired', 'Street Dwellers', or 'Janitors'. Bruce's first vilian will be the mean bully who hogs the fire-filled barrels when it's very cold, and when it isn't. Bruce will usually be too drunk, depressed, crying, or stoned on speed to do anything, so he'll laugh and run away from imaginary rhinos chasing after him Superman will show up for no other reason than to belittle Bruce. Hilarious! This will be a very funny and positive show. We already have the TV-Y rating guaranteed!"
When asked for fan reaction, most of either inexplicably died of three successive heart attacks or started crying something about "idiots", "pistol", and "producers".
Expect these shows in fall 2001!
CONTACTS: Janice Aguilar-Herrero
Kids’ WB! Publicity
818-966-6666
Lesley Barricella
Kids’ WB! Publicity
818-966-6666
